It takes a special kind of guy to stick around and be a positive influence on a kid who isn’t always lovely. Who is self-centered and resentful at times. Who drags you backward through the knotholes of pregnancy and birth, the terrible twos, the awkward sevens, adolescence, and then makes you pay for a wedding and a down payment on a house. Here’s a light-hearted (but deadly serious) quiz you should take to see if you deserve this Happy Father’s Day.
Rate your answers from 1-10 (for each question). Be honest. You don’t have to tell anyone. Ten points means Heck yeah, I was all that. One point means Hell no, but I’ll take a point anyway because I deserve something for all the grief I got put through. At the end, total your points (for a maximum of 100) to see how you rank as a father.
- I was 50% responsible for creating a kid.
- I attended birthing classes and participated in my kid’s birth experience.
- I helped (without complaining) by changing diapers, taking midnight feedings, walked a colicky baby in the wee hours or at dinner time. Did I say without complaining? Yes, I did.
- I answered my kid’s why questions without snapping “because I told you so” or just “because“.
- When my kid lied, broke a window, or shoplifted, I turned it into a grace-filled (and accountable) teachable moment. Even when it wasn’t the first time.
- I was a good role model (in sports, in traffic, when our pet had an accident, when I was tired and their mother asked me to do something, and during home improvement projects). I taught my kid right from wrong.
- I invariably gave my kid the last piece of pizza, pie, or cake.
- I attended school conferences and volunteered whenever I could without trying to make everyone (including my kid) feel guilty.
- I helped with homework, gave up the car keys, and paid for and made our kid’s wedding drama free (as much as it depended on me).
- I honored my kid’s mother and grandparents.
Now, total your points. Again, this is for your eyes only unless you’re proud of yourself and want to tell us.
90-100 points – You’re lying
80-89 points – If you scored in this category, you are definitely a father. It’s your day! Sit back and rake in the accolades.
60-79 points – You’re honest and tried, but your fathering could stand improvement. I think we can celebrate you. It’s your day too.
50-59 points – I’m glad you weren’t my father or husband or son. It may be your day if your kid says it is, but frankly, you were marginal at best.
49 or less points – Were you even there? You may be a relatively recent addition to your kid’s life – if so, that’s ok. It’s your day if your kid says it is. But if not, you sir, are either a sperm donor or a poser. This is not your day. Even if your kid says it is.
If you scored well, please tell us. If not, I’m leaving that up to you! Happy Fathers Day and congratulations to everyone else!