Boy did I need this. I had a bit of a negative day yesterday. I’ve been discouraged with the slow pace of my knee rehab and that’s colored everything. I’ve been hitting it harder and that’s meant a return to some discomfort.
Then yesterday when I got to the gym to ride the bike, the elevator was broken. I didn’t want to be there, but I had showed up with determination. I did my part, darn it. I showed up.
Two flights of stairs turned me back and made me pretty annoyed. I couldn’t climb them. I was empty. Discouragement flooded in.
Pain and stiffness make me look at things cynically, finding fault and asking why try because the journey is too far, the costs too much. All my effort isn’t yielding the desired result: unencumbered movement and energy to do anything needing to be done.
A former gangbanger at Homeboy Industries in East LA once said his “E now stands for enough”. That really spoke to me. I was pushing, pushing, pushing yesterday (every day, really). My E stood for empty, light years from finished and full where I want to be – where I think my efforts entitle me to be.
Don’t move, Teri. E is for enough. Let it be. Let yourself be. F is for finished and you’re not there yet. That’s ok. You’re pushing the needle ahead even if you don’t see it today.
I will get to the finish eventually. For now, E must stand for enough. The things I can do are more than the things I can’t. I see the finish and I don’t need to get there today. E is not empty, E is enough.
Be ok right where you are. Terim don’t move. You’ll get there.